Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
