I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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