I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
