Porn is love you can see.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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