And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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