What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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