If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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