you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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