she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
