walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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