He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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