So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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