Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
