I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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