this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
