I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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