i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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