Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i have herpe
just one?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
