You're completely useless in the revolution.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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