it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
