they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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