She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
