Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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