Where is the hickey?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
