I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
