ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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