I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this just has baby written all over it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
