She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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