I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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