I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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