So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
