just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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