Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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