ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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