I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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