Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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