New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
