yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
