We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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