i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
