Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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