saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
