Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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