it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
