I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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