Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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