well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
