Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
NoShamevember. You game?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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