He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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