so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
